Why Am I Here? - Baby's First Pride

In her remarkable Netflix special Nanette, Hannah Gadsby speaks of watching footage of Sydney, Australia's Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras; her first introduction to "her people," noting that they "sure like to dance and party." She laments, "Where are the Quiet Gays supposed to go?"

Speaking as a Quiet Gay myself, I don't have a good answer. But I did discover that a Pride Festival is NOT the place to find kindred introverted spirits.

Smashing the Wall - Coming Out's Weird, Emotional Aftermath

Imagine you've lived your entire life tucked behind a concrete wall. Your view is limited, but curled up back there, you feel secure.

Sounds emanate from beyond the barrier. Strange, unfamiliar, frightening. Over time, you grow curious. You bore a little hole through the wall, and peek.

What you see excites the senses. You realize you've been complacent, sealing yourself away from something beautiful. You widen the gap, maximize your view.

As the hole grows, the wall above weakens. Collapse seems imminent and could crush you underneath, rendering the wonders on the other side unreachable. Do you allow it to crumble, or push into this new world? You make a choice.

"Love, Simon" and the Closet Monster

Simon says he's secretly gay. He hides himself from family and friends. Not because they'll reject him. Quite the opposite, in fact. He knows everyone will be fine with it. But the fear of changing how they look at him, of tampering with hard-won relationships that he cherishes, stops him from revealing the truth about himself.

The plight of the titular character in Love, Simon resonates with me. I've lived every day in much the same way.


Hi. I'm Rich (in name only.) And I'm gay. It's taken nearly four decades to say that out loud. Unlike Simon, my own story involves years of self-inflicted suppression. My brain invented comforting lies, saying "You're not attracted to that guy, you're just jealous." Beating myself up over these feelings became as vital as water. They seemed aberrant and wrong, and I just wanted them to go away.

They never did.